"Krishna and light, Maya and shadow. Light or shadow," Srila Prabhupada
says, "Krishna or Maya. It's your choice which side is up. It all depends on
your desire. So, let the may go."
"I've come to Vrindaban because I want Krishna," I say, "but I'm torn. It's
like two people sitting here: Hayagrivadas and Howard, Dr. Jekyll and Mr.
"So, let the maya go. Howard is born with this body and dies with this body.
Hayagrivadas is the eternal personality of the soul, the real you."
"I think at death he turns back into Dr. Jekyll," I say.
"That depends on your thoughts at death."
"Then I have to learn to think of Krishna."
"That's this bhakti-yoga process," says Prabhupada, "the science of the
soul, the science of God. Now, in the mornings, I'm lecturing on this Nectar
of Devotion. So you must come and listen and write down your realizations."
"My problem is the false ego won't stay dead," I say, "even though I want
him to. Why?"
"That's also Arjuna's question," Prabhupada says. "He asks Krishna, 'Why
does a man sin, as if forced to?' And what is Krihna's reply?"
"Kama," I say. "Lust"
"The eternal enemy of the world," Prabhupada says, "the enemy within.
Conquer him, and you're in Vaikuntha, you're in light. Surrender to him, and
you're in hell, in darkness. That means rebirth. This bhakti-yoga is
practical, scientific, proven," says Prabhupada. "If it doesn't work, then
you should examine yourself to see that you're following properly. Do you
think that you can try to cheat Krishna without His knowledge? Krishna knows
your innermost thoughts... Nothing is secret to Him. ..Krishna knows you
better than you know yourself. Krishna not only knows everything about this
life; He knows all your previous lives as well...You Americans are spoiled
children. Krishna consciousness is not an LSD pill you can purchase for five
dollars. No. Great sages undergo penances for many lifetimes to attain
Krishna. But now in Kali Yuga, Lord Chaitanya Mahaprabhu has given us the
easiest method: chanting. It doesn't even matter what name of God you chant.
This is not a sectarian process. The Lord has millions of names, and His
transcendental potencies are in all of them."
excerpt from Vrindaban Days by Howard Wheeler (Hayagriva Swami)