There are always many more options available to you in any situation than you can see at any particular moment. You have to find ways how to see those options and coaching helps with that. To have a friend who cares and who is thinking for you outside of the box helps with that. You can also learn to do it yourself and make it your own habit.
If you believe in God or in higher power, you gradually develop a paradigm or a concept that “anything is possible”. If you broaden your thinking you can begin to think, "Let me explore what else can be done in this situation, and who else can help me and where else can I learn about how to maximize this situation."
Here are a few practical techniques that can help us expand our thinking and increase the number of possibilities that we have in any situation, when we face any problem or we want to achieve any result.
One of them is “brainstorming”. Some experts say that when you do brainstorming on your own, it’s called “mind storming”. Whatever you call it, it is a creative exercise where you look into as many options as possible by thinking of and then writing down ideas.
You can ask people to write down 5 ideas or 10 ideas and sometimes experts recommend 20 ideas and this forces you to stretch your mind and your creative thinking. You can ask others for ideas, even a child.
Another tool we have is called Gita Cards that stimulate your creative thinking. They have a question and a short statement and a quote by Srila Prabhupada that relates to certain important points.
One of the cards is called “Get the right question”. Srila Prabhupada speaks in one Bhagavatam Purport (SB 1.2.5) about the importance of questions. If you have a right question, for example, if you ask “What else could I do in this situation?” - you immediately expand your options.
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Thursday, February 25, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
TOUCHSTONE
Once a poor brahmana worshiped Lord Siva for a benediction, and Lord Siva advised the devotee to go to see Sanatana Gosvami.
The devotee went to Sanatana Gosvami and informed him that Lord Siva had advised him to seek out the best benediction from him (Sanatana).
Sanatana had a touchstone with him, which he kept with the garbage.
On the request of the poor brahmana, Sanatana Gosvami gave him the touchstone, and the brahmana was very happy to have it.
He now could get as much gold as he desired simply by touching the touchstone to iron.
But after he left Sanatana, he thought, "If a touchstone is the best benediction, why has Sanatana Gosvami kept it with the garbage?"
He therefore returned and asked Sanatana Gosvami, "Sir, if this is the best benediction, why did you keep it with the garbage?"
Sanatana Gosvami then informed him, "Actually, this is not the best benediction. But are you prepared to take the best benediction from me?"
The brahmana said, "Yes, sir. Lord Siva has sent me to you for the best benediction."
Then Sanatana Gosvami asked him to throw the touchstone in the water nearby and then come back.
The poor brahmana did so, and when he returned, Sanatana Gosvami initiated him with the Hare Krsna mantra.
Thus by the benediction of Lord Siva the brahmana got the association of the best devotee of Lord Krsna and was thus initiated in the maha-mantra, the great mantra for deliverance.
The devotee went to Sanatana Gosvami and informed him that Lord Siva had advised him to seek out the best benediction from him (Sanatana).
Sanatana had a touchstone with him, which he kept with the garbage.
On the request of the poor brahmana, Sanatana Gosvami gave him the touchstone, and the brahmana was very happy to have it.
He now could get as much gold as he desired simply by touching the touchstone to iron.
But after he left Sanatana, he thought, "If a touchstone is the best benediction, why has Sanatana Gosvami kept it with the garbage?"
He therefore returned and asked Sanatana Gosvami, "Sir, if this is the best benediction, why did you keep it with the garbage?"
Sanatana Gosvami then informed him, "Actually, this is not the best benediction. But are you prepared to take the best benediction from me?"
The brahmana said, "Yes, sir. Lord Siva has sent me to you for the best benediction."
Then Sanatana Gosvami asked him to throw the touchstone in the water nearby and then come back.
The poor brahmana did so, and when he returned, Sanatana Gosvami initiated him with the Hare Krsna mantra.
Thus by the benediction of Lord Siva the brahmana got the association of the best devotee of Lord Krsna and was thus initiated in the maha-mantra, the great mantra for deliverance.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
DEVOTEE MUTUAL COACHING
In Mutual Coaching, each devotee acts as both the coach and the coachee (or client). The likely result is increased success in all areas of life.
Some of the benefits:
• Create a personal success plan
• Reduce isolation among devotees
• Enable devotees to give and receive ideas
• Share successful practices
• Transfer learning to day-to-day situations or the place of service
• Encourage deep thinking
• Develop more cohesive community culture
• Accelerate personal development and spiritual advancement of each devotee
• Enhance collaboration among like-minded devotees
What Mutual Coaching is and isn’t:
• It is observation based
• It is not an evaluation tool
• It is developmental
• It is not a competition
• It is supportive
• It is confidential
• It is based on individual growth
• It is voluntary
• It is based on trust
Mutual Coaching Partner Roles
As Coaching Partner, each devotee plays three basic roles for the other:
• I’m your thinking partner
• I’m here as objective support
• I’m here to help you be accountable
Thinking Partner
It’s always easier to see someone more objectively than yourself. Even if I’m struggling to improve in the same areas as you, I am much more capable of suggesting a solution for you than I am for myself. It is difficult to know what to do when we find ourselves in the heat of an improvement opportunity. Having someone I can turn to for direction when I’m lost in my old patterns is enormously helpful, especially when this person is someone who knows me and is someone I can trust enough to reveal my blind spots and vulnerabilities.
Objective Support
Devotees who know me know my old patterns well because they’ve lived and worked with them over time. You as my Coaching Partner come from a fresh point of view. You can see beyond our history, and you can see many more possibilities and strategies that are way outside the box of my habitual experience.
Accountability
I know you’re going to ask me how I’m doing with the goals I set last week. You’re the one I entrusted with my list of what I really want to accomplish, and what I’ve committed to actually do. I’m counting on you to remember to ask me.
The coaching process may focus on discovering the answers to the following questions:
• What are you doing well?
• How could you improve?
• What suggestions do I have for your future?
Based on the answers, you can create a very clear and specific development plan.
Some considerations when choosing a Coaching Partner:
• Does he feel safe enough to be completely honest with me?
• Will he be fair?
• Will he take a few minutes on occasion to give me suggestions?
How can a Coaching Partner be most effective?
• Make a commitment to forgive and forget the past.
• Make your observations constructive and specific.
• Be positive and supportive.
• Be honest and fair.
• Understand the devotee won’t be able to act on all of your suggestions.
• Your role is to become a helpful coach to the devotee. Set aside any impulse to be a cynic, critic or judge. Follow the simple ground rule: Help more, judge less.
One important point: It’s key that the devotee chooses a goal he is enthusiastic about. Enduring change requires commitment over time. Success is much more likely if the devotee is working toward something he truly desires.
FeedForward
How excited do we get when someone tells us they want to give us some feedback?
What usually follows this type of offer? Usually something that sounds much more like criticism, blame, and analysis of what we did wrong. Not many of us find this very appealing.
If instead of focusing on feedback (looking in the past to create a list of past sins), we focus on FeedForward (making and soliciting suggestions for the future), it becomes a very constructive and productive experience. Some even call it ‘fun’!
How does this work?
• Choose something you’d like to improve
• Ask devotees for their suggestions
FeedForward is a process of gaining positive suggestions from others that are pertinent to improving your performance in a specified area.
Why not rely on feedback alone? Why do we need FeedForward?
• Many people are afraid that you will not be able to handle the feedback so they do not tell you the truth.
• People rarely feel like they are improving relationships or strengthening friendships when they give feedback.
• Feedback is often a negative experience and can cause hard feelings.
• It is difficult to change when all you have is information about the past.
Why does FeedForward work?
• When you make it clear to devotees that you need their help in order to improve in an area of development, they become willing to share their ideas and thoughts on how to get better. They feel like they have a stake in the process.
• FeedForward is focused on giving positive, future-oriented suggestions.
• By following up on the suggestions you receive, you demonstrate your commitment to grow and devotees you serve with will develop an increased desire to help you and to share their thoughts and ideas.
How do I Implement the Process?
• Make it informal.
• You can ask for FeedForward suggestions in person, on the phone or via email.
• Don’t wait for scheduled meetings. Pay attention to what is being said and what you are doing and use the natural opportunities to ask devotees for help.
• Keep your conversations focused.
• The purpose of the FeedForward conversation is to answer the question, “What can I do to get better in my area of development?”
• Avoid using this time to talk about other items or concerns.
• Keep the conversation very simple.
• Ask, for example, "I am working on becoming a better listener. Can you give me a positive suggestion on how I can do this? What can I do to become a better listener? What are some positive things you have noticed that good listeners do?"
What are the Major Roadblocks to Doing FeedForward?
• It feels awkward.
• I think it needs to be a formal process.
• It is difficult to change culture. This is not reflective of the current culture.
• I am so busy already, how do I fit it all in my schedule.
• I don’t know how to give FeedForward.
• I don’t know how many devotees I need to involve.
How can I overcome these roadblocks? What are some of the best practices used to create success?
• Don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
• Make it an informal experience. Fit it into your regular conversations.
• Create a reminder in your paper or electronic planner.
• Practice what you are going to say with your Coaching Partner.
• Be quick – two minutes may be long enough.
Some Important Things to Remember
• Devotee's recommendations are accurate reflections of how you can improve from his perspective.
• The responses you receive are current indicators of your behavior.
• FeedForward is a way for devotees to support you in achieving your goal and challenge you to get better.
Say Thank You
• The answer to every suggestion is “Thank you”.
• You are not thanking them for the content of their ideas.
• You are thanking them for willingly helping you.
• Avoid the temptation to grade or debate responses. Just say “Thank you”.
• You do not need to implement every suggestion.
• Discuss suggestions with your Coaching Partner.
• Ask yourself, “What would happen if I implemented this suggestion?”
Your success in getting better in your chosen area is directly related with the amount of follow-up you have with devotees.
The fascinating part of this exercise is that you’re often asking people you don’t know at all - and amazingly enough their suggestions can be pretty useful!
Another surprise - we find many other people have the same issues we have! And we can help them even if we feel lost helping ourselves!
The magic of FeedForward is that it’s a positive way to get many more ideas than one could ever actually use - and there’s no obligation to use the ideas!
The only requirement - just say “Thank you”. Don’t argue, complain, analyze - just say “Thank you” and write down the idea verbatim.
Positive Mutual Support
Here are some tips to help you provide effective support to each other, to help each other succeed:
• It’s easy to focus on the negative. Help each other look at the good news in information gained from devotees interviewed. Give equal airtime to the good as well as the more challenging areas.
• Remind each other it’s not about the past. Reframe everything in the form of what can be done in the present and future.
• Avoid criticism, judgment, analysis, blame. Remember, this is Mutual Coaching so both of you are sometimes getting comments that aren’t easy to hear! It requires courage, honesty and humility to admit past mistakes. Look at them as clearly as you can without dwelling on them, make your sincere apologies and move on. Your only point of effectiveness is what you do with this information in the future.
• Help each other move past and look forward to how you can create a positive outcome for the future.
Personal Questions
Accountability is a key ingredient in a successful Mutual Coaching relationship. How often you check in with each other depends on your schedules and how you’ve set up your goals. One of the effective method for staying on track and making maximum progress is a process called “Personal Questions”.
Give your Coaching Partner questions that you want him to ask you every day or every week. These questions will usually cover the most important areas of your life. If you miss a day or two, simply ‘catch up’ later.
Some keys:
• Each devotee writes his own questions.
• No negative feedback. No comments that might produce any form of negativity.
• Yes to positive feedback! If you can make positive comments to reinforce success, by all means go ahead!
When writing your questions, you might think about different areas of your life, such as health, sadhana, service, relationships, things you want to accomplish but don’t seem to get to.
Some questions for improving relationships: “Did you say or do something nice for devotees? your wife? your son? your daughter? your friend?”
Questions for tasks you would like to do: “How many minutes did you spend doing X”, or “How many hours did you do X?”
This process works well because it forces each Coaching Partner to confront how they actually live their values - every day. You will see more clearly what really matters most to you. If it really matters, you can give it even more time. If it does not, you can face reality and stop kidding yourself or worrying about it.
Some of the benefits:
• Create a personal success plan
• Reduce isolation among devotees
• Enable devotees to give and receive ideas
• Share successful practices
• Transfer learning to day-to-day situations or the place of service
• Encourage deep thinking
• Develop more cohesive community culture
• Accelerate personal development and spiritual advancement of each devotee
• Enhance collaboration among like-minded devotees
What Mutual Coaching is and isn’t:
• It is observation based
• It is not an evaluation tool
• It is developmental
• It is not a competition
• It is supportive
• It is confidential
• It is based on individual growth
• It is voluntary
• It is based on trust
Mutual Coaching Partner Roles
As Coaching Partner, each devotee plays three basic roles for the other:
• I’m your thinking partner
• I’m here as objective support
• I’m here to help you be accountable
Thinking Partner
It’s always easier to see someone more objectively than yourself. Even if I’m struggling to improve in the same areas as you, I am much more capable of suggesting a solution for you than I am for myself. It is difficult to know what to do when we find ourselves in the heat of an improvement opportunity. Having someone I can turn to for direction when I’m lost in my old patterns is enormously helpful, especially when this person is someone who knows me and is someone I can trust enough to reveal my blind spots and vulnerabilities.
Objective Support
Devotees who know me know my old patterns well because they’ve lived and worked with them over time. You as my Coaching Partner come from a fresh point of view. You can see beyond our history, and you can see many more possibilities and strategies that are way outside the box of my habitual experience.
Accountability
I know you’re going to ask me how I’m doing with the goals I set last week. You’re the one I entrusted with my list of what I really want to accomplish, and what I’ve committed to actually do. I’m counting on you to remember to ask me.
The coaching process may focus on discovering the answers to the following questions:
• What are you doing well?
• How could you improve?
• What suggestions do I have for your future?
Based on the answers, you can create a very clear and specific development plan.
Some considerations when choosing a Coaching Partner:
• Does he feel safe enough to be completely honest with me?
• Will he be fair?
• Will he take a few minutes on occasion to give me suggestions?
How can a Coaching Partner be most effective?
• Make a commitment to forgive and forget the past.
• Make your observations constructive and specific.
• Be positive and supportive.
• Be honest and fair.
• Understand the devotee won’t be able to act on all of your suggestions.
• Your role is to become a helpful coach to the devotee. Set aside any impulse to be a cynic, critic or judge. Follow the simple ground rule: Help more, judge less.
One important point: It’s key that the devotee chooses a goal he is enthusiastic about. Enduring change requires commitment over time. Success is much more likely if the devotee is working toward something he truly desires.
FeedForward
How excited do we get when someone tells us they want to give us some feedback?
What usually follows this type of offer? Usually something that sounds much more like criticism, blame, and analysis of what we did wrong. Not many of us find this very appealing.
If instead of focusing on feedback (looking in the past to create a list of past sins), we focus on FeedForward (making and soliciting suggestions for the future), it becomes a very constructive and productive experience. Some even call it ‘fun’!
How does this work?
• Choose something you’d like to improve
• Ask devotees for their suggestions
FeedForward is a process of gaining positive suggestions from others that are pertinent to improving your performance in a specified area.
Why not rely on feedback alone? Why do we need FeedForward?
• Many people are afraid that you will not be able to handle the feedback so they do not tell you the truth.
• People rarely feel like they are improving relationships or strengthening friendships when they give feedback.
• Feedback is often a negative experience and can cause hard feelings.
• It is difficult to change when all you have is information about the past.
Why does FeedForward work?
• When you make it clear to devotees that you need their help in order to improve in an area of development, they become willing to share their ideas and thoughts on how to get better. They feel like they have a stake in the process.
• FeedForward is focused on giving positive, future-oriented suggestions.
• By following up on the suggestions you receive, you demonstrate your commitment to grow and devotees you serve with will develop an increased desire to help you and to share their thoughts and ideas.
How do I Implement the Process?
• Make it informal.
• You can ask for FeedForward suggestions in person, on the phone or via email.
• Don’t wait for scheduled meetings. Pay attention to what is being said and what you are doing and use the natural opportunities to ask devotees for help.
• Keep your conversations focused.
• The purpose of the FeedForward conversation is to answer the question, “What can I do to get better in my area of development?”
• Avoid using this time to talk about other items or concerns.
• Keep the conversation very simple.
• Ask, for example, "I am working on becoming a better listener. Can you give me a positive suggestion on how I can do this? What can I do to become a better listener? What are some positive things you have noticed that good listeners do?"
What are the Major Roadblocks to Doing FeedForward?
• It feels awkward.
• I think it needs to be a formal process.
• It is difficult to change culture. This is not reflective of the current culture.
• I am so busy already, how do I fit it all in my schedule.
• I don’t know how to give FeedForward.
• I don’t know how many devotees I need to involve.
How can I overcome these roadblocks? What are some of the best practices used to create success?
• Don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
• Make it an informal experience. Fit it into your regular conversations.
• Create a reminder in your paper or electronic planner.
• Practice what you are going to say with your Coaching Partner.
• Be quick – two minutes may be long enough.
Some Important Things to Remember
• Devotee's recommendations are accurate reflections of how you can improve from his perspective.
• The responses you receive are current indicators of your behavior.
• FeedForward is a way for devotees to support you in achieving your goal and challenge you to get better.
Say Thank You
• The answer to every suggestion is “Thank you”.
• You are not thanking them for the content of their ideas.
• You are thanking them for willingly helping you.
• Avoid the temptation to grade or debate responses. Just say “Thank you”.
• You do not need to implement every suggestion.
• Discuss suggestions with your Coaching Partner.
• Ask yourself, “What would happen if I implemented this suggestion?”
Your success in getting better in your chosen area is directly related with the amount of follow-up you have with devotees.
The fascinating part of this exercise is that you’re often asking people you don’t know at all - and amazingly enough their suggestions can be pretty useful!
Another surprise - we find many other people have the same issues we have! And we can help them even if we feel lost helping ourselves!
The magic of FeedForward is that it’s a positive way to get many more ideas than one could ever actually use - and there’s no obligation to use the ideas!
The only requirement - just say “Thank you”. Don’t argue, complain, analyze - just say “Thank you” and write down the idea verbatim.
Positive Mutual Support
Here are some tips to help you provide effective support to each other, to help each other succeed:
• It’s easy to focus on the negative. Help each other look at the good news in information gained from devotees interviewed. Give equal airtime to the good as well as the more challenging areas.
• Remind each other it’s not about the past. Reframe everything in the form of what can be done in the present and future.
• Avoid criticism, judgment, analysis, blame. Remember, this is Mutual Coaching so both of you are sometimes getting comments that aren’t easy to hear! It requires courage, honesty and humility to admit past mistakes. Look at them as clearly as you can without dwelling on them, make your sincere apologies and move on. Your only point of effectiveness is what you do with this information in the future.
• Help each other move past and look forward to how you can create a positive outcome for the future.
Personal Questions
Accountability is a key ingredient in a successful Mutual Coaching relationship. How often you check in with each other depends on your schedules and how you’ve set up your goals. One of the effective method for staying on track and making maximum progress is a process called “Personal Questions”.
Give your Coaching Partner questions that you want him to ask you every day or every week. These questions will usually cover the most important areas of your life. If you miss a day or two, simply ‘catch up’ later.
Some keys:
• Each devotee writes his own questions.
• No negative feedback. No comments that might produce any form of negativity.
• Yes to positive feedback! If you can make positive comments to reinforce success, by all means go ahead!
When writing your questions, you might think about different areas of your life, such as health, sadhana, service, relationships, things you want to accomplish but don’t seem to get to.
Some questions for improving relationships: “Did you say or do something nice for devotees? your wife? your son? your daughter? your friend?”
Questions for tasks you would like to do: “How many minutes did you spend doing X”, or “How many hours did you do X?”
This process works well because it forces each Coaching Partner to confront how they actually live their values - every day. You will see more clearly what really matters most to you. If it really matters, you can give it even more time. If it does not, you can face reality and stop kidding yourself or worrying about it.
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